


Unexpected Connections Through Holes

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/M, Glory Holes, Inquisitor as Companion, adults trying to get their shit together, flashbacks to Kirkwall, out of wedlock childbirth, who ends up with who?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:38:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5535023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back in the haydays of Kirkwall, Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford opted to visit a discrete hole in the wall to work off his "stress". Over a year later, he became the hardworking Commander of The Inquisition's Forces and found love in the arms of the Inquisitor. Things get complicated as a Qunari woman comes to Skyhold with a curly-haired infant, seeking a man who asked her to follow him out of Kirkwall over a year ago when he joined the Conclave.</p><p>Chapters will be marked if they contain NSFW content</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fantasy (Nsfw)

**Author's Note:**

> NSFW Chapter (mostly the beginning)

“I’m leaving tonight.”

His hand reached through one of the holes in the wall and gently brushed up against her shoulder- a touch she never expected from him. Adaar nipped her lower lip to try and mentally detach herself from her customer. She was employed in a literal hole in the wall in one of Kirkwall’s seediest brothels in Low Town, and one of the few women assigned solely to please various men in a darkened basement of ‘The Brass Bard’. 

Being an escaped Qunari Mage, a Saarebas, and Tal-Vashoth on top of it, was one of the many reasons she preferred ‘The Wall’ compared to more ‘formal sleeping arrangements’. Heavily scarred lips from years of sewing and unsewing of her lips to eat along with a permanently broken spiral horn made her unappealing at best or drew the wrong sort of customers that a brothel girl wanted to avoid. ‘The Wall’ was impersonal, and ‘safe’ in her mind with only a few holes above the intended insertion one that were easy to avoid unwanted grasps if she wanted; but there were times she would sit back against the wall to let that happen. 

Especially with her Serah Shy.

“That’s an unusual way of greeting me, Ser.” She chuckled in honest amusement for the bluntness of her favorite ‘repeat’ patron. The tavern above was loud as it usually was around the evening when the place drew those who got off the day shift but weren't exactly planning on going home yet to their wives. Serah Shy was fumbling with his clothing on the other side of the wall as she began undressing herself. 

“Maker’s breath. Y-you’re right.” He stuttered nervously, making the smile on Adaar’s face grow considerably. “H-how have you been, Emerald?”

Always so considerate and jumpy. He made it so easy to remember him even though his visits were becoming much less frequent. Adaar assumed he was a member of the guard since there were times she heard him remove armor on the other side of the wall. The mercenaries around Kirkwall usually did not have to worry about their reputations and went upstairs for a shag in one of the private rooms. 

“This Emerald has been losing her luster without her dear Amber to keep her safe.” She teased dramatically before quickly letting out a sigh. “It’s been positive shit, Ser Amber…”

“That’s part of the reason I am leaving…” He replied quietly and Adaar found herself leaning back against the wall as she removed her smalls. His hand came through one of the holes beside her head and she gently leaned the side of her face into it. It was hard to not have some fleeting feelings for the voice but her heart had long since been buried with her other half, her Arvaarad. Serah Shy required some sense of mutual affection to really get into the mood, and it bothered her that such a wonderful person would have to resort to anonymous sex to feel better. His hand cupped her face the best it could and she closed her eyes to imagine her Arvaarad giving her such affections. It made it much easier to make this likely final meeting of theirs be less personal than it should be.

“You have been eating, drinking water, and sleeping, Ser Amber?” She asked, making sure those needs were at least being met so he would not pass out during their session like he had two months ago. That was the most awkward and concerning session she had ever had with a non-violent patron.

“Maker’s Breath, I make even you worried...” He groaned, running his finger over her cheek affectionately in slow strokes. “I’m getting… No. I’m going to get better, Emerald.” His thumbed moved slowly towards her lip and Adaar found it hard not to whimper when he spoke with such confidence. Confidence to improve himself and leave Kirkwall to seek out a more fulfilling life; a fantasy that she wanted to indulge in with him.

“Ser Amber…” Adaar breathed in a sharp breath as his fingers trailed over her scarred lips tenderly. She missed being kissed and held by her Arvaarad; a touch that Serah Shy seemed to draw out from her. His hard cock rubbed up against her rear through the hole as she heard a soft hiss through the thin wall. 

“Maker’s breath… If I was less a coward.” 

She leaned forward and spread her lips for him, groaning erotically as he pushed into her wetness. Adaar was going to miss his touch and his large cock stretching her so nicely. “Mmm… please don't make me talk about my ‘policies’ on this night, Ser.”  
He chuckled in response and she just found herself getting that much more aroused for him. 

“I’d rather focus on this lovely Emerald taking me deep inside of her on this night…” 

“Ser…”

\---

She was sweating and panting heavily after they came hard together that evening. Her hand covering the one he never removed from her cheek the entire time and the other clenching her knee as her legs trembled from the intensity of her orgasm. She kissed his fingers gently in between breaths as she very slowly came down from her high as if it were his very lips.

Her inner thighs and the hole behind her were dripping wet with their mixed fluids after she found herself squirting harder than she thought was possible from their session. It was so satisfying for the Qunari that she continued to tremble even after he slowly withdrew both his hand and cock from her. “Ser… are you… are you sure that you don't want to take this to a room upstairs…?” She asked him bravely, wanting to share something close to intimacy in her current state of mind than just them rutting through a wall.

“As much as I would likely enjoy that… There’s preparations that still have to be done tonight…” The rattling of a belt buckle behind the wall was all Adaar needed to know that he wasn't going to indulge her further. She glanced down at the mess rolling down her thighs and smiled happily at how good she felt regardless of the circumstances.

“Well then. It was wonderful to have a patron like you throughout these years, Serah.” Adaar admitted, knowing she would likely feel a bit saddened by his departure but that was part of the job. The good ones always move on to something better or so she hoped for them. Adaar walked over to a chair against the far wall to begin cleaning herself up and glanced at the green potion that would negate this night like always. She deposited the towel into the bin by the door before picking up the bottle and popping off the cork.

“Would you follow me, if I asked you?”

She paused after she brought the vial to her lips. Her heart was racing at the fantasies the sentence rose in her mind.

\---

“And that night, you dropped everything and looked for your wayward Romeo, Titan?” Varric asked as he gently rocked himself back and forth in his chair with a barely two year-old babe in his arms. The blonde, curly-haired, half-qunari girl was wrapped in thick blankets and resting against the Dwarf’s shoulder peacefully after being fed by her adoring mother. Adaar smiled fondly at the scene and was always so surprised to see how naturally the Dwarf handled her fussy little baby but always kept the thoughts to herself out of consideration for her friend. There were rumors about his relationship with the Champion of Kirkwall, after all. 

“I went to the rendezvous point but got turned away since no one was convinced of my story. The Seeker was interested apparently but they had to leave before I could comb through the soldiers to find him.” Adaar admitted, adjusting the scarf that she wrapped around her lower face to keep her heavily scarred lips from coming up in discussions. Varric nodded his head in understanding as he listened, occasionally glancing at the baby if she wiggled in her sleep. 

Varric was always a big help since her arrival at Skyhold after months of following the rumor trail of the conclave and offered her a job as his ‘assistant’. She mostly handled his mail, got him refreshments, and was pretty damn good at keeping others from bothering the Dwarf with her towering height just by being there. He played babysitter in exchange while she was running whatever crazy request he had for her in the fortress and wasn't surprised at all to see him change a diaper or two when she got back. 

“Shit… Knowing the Seeker, if you left out some of the seediest details and professed your love for the guy, she would have personally made him reveal himself. She loves that kind of romantic crap.” He chuckled in amusement as ran a hand through her daughter’s hair affectionately. “Right, Nubs?”

“Just because they’re nubs right now doesn't mean they won't continue to grow, Varric. The nickname isn't going to fit for long.” Adaar smiled as she lifted up her cup of water and took a drink from it.

“Hey. You don't know if they won't stay as nubs either, Titan. So, the name stays.”

Adaar rolled her eyes at the Dwarf and watched as he made it a point to part her thick curls to reveal the two little horn nubs that hadn't pushed through the skin just yet. “Little. Nubs.” Adaar lightly shoved his shoulder and the Dwarf chuckled mischievously. “Hey! No bullying your boss! You’ll upset Nubs, Titan.”

He wasn't so much her ‘boss’ since she also did runs for other members of the inner circle when Varric was occupied elsewhere but he just had a habit of making use of her much more often than the others. Speaking of the ‘others’, it was getting close to the afternoon lunch bell and the Commander was going to need his provisions directly brought to him soon, per the Inquisitor’s orders. “The Commander is gonna need his rations brought up soon, Varric. You think you can handle Aussha for a bit?” Adaar asked as she got up from her chair beside the Dwarf and stretched out her large muscular frame covered under layers of robes.

“Pretty sure Nubs will be out for a while since you stuffed her full. I doubt a dragon could wake her up from how heavy she sleeps, Titan.” He grinned up at the Qunari before going back to look through his ‘important’ letter pile to read with his free hand. She smiled at the two warmly and finally left to head over to the kitchen to gather the Commander’s lunch.

The halls were filled with guards, agents of the Inquisition, and even the occasional noble as she tried her best to make way for any rushing page due to her huge size. Many had mistaken her for a male Qunari when she first arrived at the fortress three months ago and it didn't help that many were intimidated by her bulk, her broken ram-like horn, and the fact that she kept herself covered with a scarf over her lower face. It was difficult to go anywhere in the fortress or talk to anyone until Varric had her reassigned and it became easier to at least move about without having to explain who she was to every new guard. She slipped into the kitchen and was pointed to a tray with a bowl of steaming soup with a slice of sour bread on the side. Adaar squeezed past some of the cooks to grab a spoon and a clean tea pot then carefully made her way back to the prep station to set the items down on the counter. She then made her way to the cabinets to requisition some tea leaves to help alleviate the Commander’s near constant headaches and felt that adding some mint to today’s blend would be well suited for him once he finished his lunch.

\---

Adaar carried the tray through Skyhold’s busy corridors and took her time to make her way to the Commander's tower as to not get the tray knocked out of her grasp from how active the fortress was today. Apparently there were whispers about storming a stronghold of demons somewhere and that Gray Wardens were involved somehow. Not very pleasant to think about since that would likely mean her lover, if… No! If her Amber was to storm the stronghold, he would return! She had to believe he was still alive and waiting for her to find him somewhere in this huge fortress.

Adaar held the tray under her arm for a moment before knocking on the door to the Commander’s office. Normally she would hear a prompt ‘come in’ or a grumpy ‘Yes?’ from within but all she could hear was the passionate, muffled moans on the other side of the door. Ah. Seems the Inquisitor has returned from her trip. Adaar chuckled softly as she walked over to one of the tables for the guards and set down the tray as they were likely close to being finished from how they sounded. 

Everyone in Skyhold knew that Inquisitor Trevelyan and Commander Rutherford were together, a fact that seemed to boost the troop morale from how lenient he could be on days he occasionally took off early to spend time with her. They were a lovely couple indeed and Adaar enjoyed watching the two of them converse when she brought lunch into his office. It was like fondly looking in a mirror, seeing herself and her Arvaarad together in Kirkwall when things were at their brightest for them. Only with a lot less sex; especially in semi-public areas.

It would be another ten minutes before the Inquisitor and the Commander stepped out from the office together to share one last kiss before she went her own way. Adaar took it as her cue to pick up the tray and begin to head over to the Commander who was still watching Trevelyan walk away like a love sick puppy. He didn't even notice her, which was VERY impressive, until she literally walked past him and into his office. “Afternoon, Commander.”

“O-oh! Lady Adaar!” He seemed to snap out of his trance at that moment and she could just imagine how red his face was for being caught staring. Cullen closed the door behind him and briskly walked over to catch up to her. From the looks of all his paperwork being on his desk, it looked like the two lovers took the hint on taking their sessions up in his bunk whenever she delivered lunch. Such sights of post-romantic messes never bothered her but apparently it only took her walking in twice on time to deliver the lunch for the Commander to make them reconsider where they… Engaged.

Adaar stood by his desk as she watched Cullen pick up several reports he was working on and set them on a pile as he tried to organize a spot for her to put down the tray. He was clearly flustered as he shift piles of paperwork and occasionally knocked a letter or two off his desk in his rush. “Maker’s breath! I should be more prepared than this.”

“It’s quite alright, Commander. You were preoccupied.” She grinned as she watched him finally finish up.

He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck as he pulled out his chair to take his seat. “Right. Ahem.” Cullen tried to relax as he watched Adaar place the tray down before him and gave her a kind smile as she began pouring his tea. If it weren't part of the job, she would have left him there to do with the meal as he pleased but the Inquisitor specifically asked her to make sure he ate at least half of his meal. The Commander had a bad habit of working through his meals. He picked up his spoon and began digging into the hearty beef stew as Adaar took a seat in the chair in front of his desk. Cullen had days where he would literally have to be forced to eat his meal but those days were fewer and far between since the Inquisitor took personal interest in his well being. Adaar pulled out her knitting needles from her robe pouch and began resuming work on a little hat she was making for her daughter. Yarn was rather expensive to get but Josephine managed to get a steady supply for the Inquisition granted that Adaar help contribute to making clothing and blankets with the others in the ‘sewing circle’. She wasn't advanced enough to plan her patterns far enough in advance to make little designs with different colored threads and felt that a light blue hat that was slightly too big for her daughter would be better than nothing.

“Working on another scarf?” Cullen asked curiously before taking a bite out of his bread as he watched Adaar with interest.

“Mmm. It's a hat this time, for my daughter.” Adaar replied, keeping focused on her work more so than the man before her.

“Right. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the gesture, w-well she might not actually be able to SAY it just yet, but… She will at least some day.” He stuttered. Small talk wasn't really a thing the Commander was gifted at but at least he tried. 

“Until her horns start breaking through. Then I might have to add some extra room to accommodate them.” 

“Breaking through? Maker, I imagine that will be rather painful.” He spoke with concern.

“It’s similar to teething for baby. The skin around the horns is soft and hairless to make it easier to allow the horns to break through the skin. There is no bleeding involved, unless they rub their heads against a tree and get splinters.” She chuckled in amusement before glancing up at the Commander for a moment. He really was an interesting human to be around. Maybe it was just the inner circle being filled with such odd people but they were more welcoming than most humans and she likely had Iron Bull to thank for being around longer before she arrived. 

“That comparison makes sense when you point it out like that. I don't know many Qunari personally so do let me know if I'm asking too many intrusive questions.” 

“It’s alright, Commander. So long as you focus on actually eating rather than spending all of lunch just making conversation.”

“Maker’s breath…” He sighed as she hit him right on the nail and went back to eating his soup instead of just picking at his bread. It was kind of pitiful to see a grown man needing to be redirected to his food all the time but he can't function properly as Commander if no one sits him down to eat. He worked too hard and too often. If not for the Inquisitor’s relationship with the Commander, she would have offered her own services outside of tea and food delivery to the man. He wasn't too bad looking for a human either. She was more fond of curly haired men though since her daughter’s father likely possessed that trait and Cullen’s smoothed back hair didn't exactly fit that bill.

Speaking of her daughter’s father, Cullen was one of the men who joined the conclave from Kirkwall, according to Varric, and would likely know at least something to get her going in the right direction to find him. Adaar didn't really like the idea of using her position to push such an odd request on the Commander himself when he had enough problems to deal with as it was. Last thing she needed was to put their working relationship into an odd place if he was appalled to the idea of helping her with such an enormous task. She couldn't let the Inquisitor or the Commander down like that.

Cullen managed to finish his bowl of soup before setting down his spoon, removing the teapot, and his cup from the tray. Adaar put her needles away and stood up to collect the tray from his desk. “Anything else need to be delivered to the kitchen, Commander?”

“No. That will be all.” He nodded courteously before giving her a smile. “Thank you.”

“It's no problem at all, Commander. Hopefully the mint in the tea will help ease your mind with the coming operation.” Adaar remarked with a polite nod of her head in return.

“Ah! About that!” 

“Yes?”

“Leliana spoke to me about an inquiry you made with her a few months back… Your missing lover was from Kirkwall?” He asked, standing up from his chair as he spoke as professionally as ever.

“Yes. I have put in such an inquiry to Sister Nightingale before.” Her heart was pounding in her chest from the sudden thrust into the discussion she had purposely avoided having with him. “What about it?”

“I’ve looked into our records, or what records we still have left after a majority of personnel files were lost at Haven.” He began, opening up one of the drawers to his desk to pull out a rather bulky rolled up scroll. “We estimate there to be at least thirty soldiers alone who came with me from Kirkwall and five of them were likely lost at Haven, based on reports from the field… if those men are dead or abandoned us, we would likely have to expend considerable resources to track them down or… Find them in the remains of Haven…”

Adaar gripped the tray firmly as she tried to keep her composure before the Commander, last thing she needed to do was break down over the death of a man who literally only fucked her through a wall.

“Do you have any extra information that could possibly help track this lover of yours down? The reports from Leliana were vague at best and there’s not even a description of the man whom you are trying to find.” He spoke to her compassionately and Adaar was certain he was genuinely interested in assisting her. She watched as he unrolled the scroll and saw it was a list of names. 

“I… I worked at a brothel in Kirkwall… It's hard to remember faces.” She answered carefully, not wanting to plow her newfound reputation completely into the ground by going into specifics. 

“O-oh.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he processed the information and tried his best to remain professional in this situation. “Well… it might be difficult to… you know…”

“Ask Kirkwall soldiers if they ever spent time in a brothel?” She sighed. There was no way a man like Cullen would go that far to learn the personal details of his soldiers’ lives, even for her.

“Yes… It would compromise the trust and authority my men have in me as their Commander to go to such lengths for any individual. I couldn't do that.” Cullen admitted, avoiding her gaze in shame as the lead hit a brick wall. “Kirkwall was undoubtedly a stressful place and these men likely have wives and children who are staying here at Skyhold…”

“It's alright, Commander. I’ll wait for Sister Nightingale’s report. Thank you for at least considering.” Adaar nodded before turning to walk towards the door, leaving the Commander staring at the scroll of names hard as she left.


	2. For Families We Hope For

“So, Curly, had nothing helpful to add then?” Varric asked sympathetically as he let the cackling Aussha bounce on his legs, holding her up under her arms to stablizer her. “I thought he would have at least something, Titan. Sorry for getting your hopes up.”

She waved off the Dwarf’s concern and tried to not seem as upset as she was feeling. Adaar wasn't doing this for herself; she was doing it for Aussha and her only. She didn't want to think that Ser Shy would sweep her off her feet after a year and a half of searching Thesda for him. It was unrealistic to expect a relationship of any sort with him much less one outside of being the mother to his bastard child. 

“Hey… Titan… You want to sit down?” Varric was holding her squirming babe against his shoulder as he pulled out a chair for her to sit down on. He was always such a considerate friend and was almost too good at reading people. Adaar hesitantly took a seat in the chair and held out her arms for her daughter, whom Varric handed over with a warm smile. “He’s around here somewhere, Titan. If not here then he’s at a remote outpost somewhere being miserable and bitching about his job around the fire with other soldiers.”

Adaar chuckled at the mental image he painted for her; Aussha’s handsome curly blonde haired papa getting teased in the morning by his friends from an unfortunate cow lick in the morning. Ser Shy half falling asleep standing up at an outpost and getting busted by his captain. She wouldn't mind how he looked but hopefully he was as young as he sounded at least. Aussha’s happy squeal drew Adaar out of her fantasy and she felt herself smiling happily down at her blonde little dumpling. “Your father better be at a miserable but safe post for making us walk all the way here to meet with him, Aussha.” She chuckled softly as she lifted the bundled babe up under the arms and rubbed her nose affectionately against her daughter’s, earning a high pitched squeal from her.

“Hey now. Easy on the ears, you two. Andraste help me if you make me go deaf by next year with those lungs of yours, Nubs.” Varric chuckled as he rubbed his ears.

“She could make a dragon sound meek by comparison! Ain't that right, Sweet Pea?” Adaar smiled happily at her child as the babe pulled her scarf out enough that it sagged to reveal her lower face. She cuddled the child close and gently ran her fingers through her soft blonde curls, allowing the fantasy of a family take her away for the moment. 

\---

They took Adamant Fortress but at what cost?

Varric was more aloof and spent more time quietly holding Aussha than Adaar had ever seen the Dwarf do before. Sometimes she would come back from doing a mail run for him and find him inside of his room whispering softly to her daughter. It hurt Adaar to see him so down along with the rest of the inner circle. Whatever had happened must have been devastating to all of them and she made it her personal goal to double her efforts for the Inquisition. From taking extra care to prep their favorite teas to letting them vent their frustrations in private, she did what she could except when some fully pushed her away.

The Inquisitor seemed just as down as Varric when she returned to Skyhold. Cullen spent less time in his office and more with her as he tended to her emotional needs. He held her close whenever a sudden bout of sadness overtook her and now HE was the one making sure that the Inquisitor was eating her meals after she passed out at the war table. It was a mess if Adaar had ever seen since even the Inquisitor, the one who suggested that she bring food and tea to Cullen after trying a cup, rejected her aid. She didn't take it personally; no one did when the Inquisitor had such a heavy burden on her shoulders and she just happen to be cracking now.

“Just keep trying. She’s a ball of stress and misery right now but she needs all the comfort we can provide.” Bull suggested to Adaar after she came to him for advice on how to handle both Trevelyan and Varric. “Demons of a different kind are hovering around them and now they regret things they did or didn't do.” 

“I see.” She gazed down at her hands and noticed how they quivered. She was really scared for them both. Afraid that something might happen to Varric, the self-proclaimed godfather to her own daughter and her own good friend.

“Hey.” Bull leaned in towards her and placed a hand on her arm. “You might be covered from head to toe in cloth but it's okay to not hide behind them and let those you care about actually know how you feel. Varric is stronger than you give him credit for and needs time to grieve. Little Aussha should be more than enough to help him through it with time.” He smiled reassuringly at the other Qunari.

“Thank you, Bull. I should get this drink back to Varric before he sends a guard to come looking for me.” Adaar sighed in relief after their talk and was about to leave the table before Bull held her in place with the hand on her shoulder. She looked at him skeptically, since no one had ever tried to do such thing to hold her in place before.

“Your kid's father is the Commander, Adaar.” He whispered discreetly to her after making sure that no one was listening nearby. “The evidence is circumstantial shit at best but I gotta feeling it's likely the truth.”

Adaar stared at Iron Bull for a good minute before laughing and removing his hand from her shoulder. “Bull, this is a shit time for jokes like that. I just deliver his tea there's no need for rumors.” There was absolutely no way an uptight gentleman like the Commander would have visited Kirkwall's seedy brothels much less venture into a dirty basement for a quick fuck. It was completely unlike the man she served food to on a daily basis and no doubt he could get any lady or gentleman he desired with how handsome he looked. The idea was slander at worst and completely ironic if it had any credible substance!

“I’m serious, Adaar. Leliana and him figured it out before we left for Adamant.” He looked as serious as the tone he was using and Adaar felt her guts churn something terrible at such knowledge. What if them being around was more of a hindrance to the Inquisition with this new possible fact? The scandal could possibly cause Cullen to lose face or possibly lose his job! They need HIM but they don't need Aussha or her.

“Leliana isn't going to touch my Aussha. I’ll kill her before she can try.” Adaar growled quietly to Bull, as if threatening him as well. He was a threat as well and one of the closest companions of the Inquisitor. He could be using this meeting to get her to drop her guard and strangle her the next second. 

“Back up for a moment, Adaar." Bull quickly interrupted. "If Leliana was going to kill your kid, by all means she would be dead the moment she made the decision. You both are still alive right now so clearly they aren't going to dispose of you or your child like that.” He reassured her while also grabbing her shoulder once more to make sure she didn't bolt to do something impulsive. “Your whole reason for being here was just SOLELY introduce your daughter to her father, right? You used the word ‘lover’ to cover up the fact that you were a prostitute, and Leliana likely knows that too so it's not too concerning right now. Now if we got FEELINGS involved, then shit would likely be unpredictable as hell since it's up to the Boss to decide how she feels about that fact.”

“Yeah... But it's too unbelievable that the Commander would even need to visit a brothel in the first place.” She grumbled at Bull, feeling more annoyed than angry as she listened to his sound reasoning on the whole ordeal. Turning shadows into unseen enemies was likely to cause more problems than solve with her way of handling hostility; Killing it overwhelmingly with lightning.

“Think about it then. Or ask him about it yourself.” Bull shrugged his shoulders and released his hold on Adaar’s before picking back up his pint to down it. Adaar rolled her eyes as she got up and walked over to the bar counter ordered herself a pint for herself before making her way back to Varric. The Dwarf would know how to better deal with her than overly blunt Bull when it came to this delicate subject matter anyhow. He also bathed more often than not too.

\---

Adaar busied herself with Varric’s well-being for the next week along with Aussha as she tried to push the literal bull that Bull put in her mind. The Dwarf seemed to perk up a bit as her daughter was slowly learning how to use her shaky feet to stand up. He was like a proud parent and tried every trick in the book to get Aussha to take her steps towards him without any assistance. The bastard even bought a book on the subject since he was so engrossed with the idea of seeing a baby walk.

“She’ll get it eventually, Varric. She’s just toying with you so you’ll pay attention to her more.” Adaar chuckled as she laid on top of Varric's very small bed and tucked her knees to her chest to comfortably watch the Dwarf fail at getting her cackling daughter to come to him. It warmed her heart greatly to see her baby trying to take her first steps by herself and she knew to keep a lid on it incase she jinxed her daughter's attempts. Varric's bravado about the whole thing did that enough by itself with Aussha thinking of it as a game with the Dwarf.

“Just you watch, Titan. Nubs will be sprinting down the halls of Skyhold by the end of the week.” He boasted playfully as he glanced at the Qunari over his shoulder.

“Good. Maybe you can teach her to carry the mail so we can both run to the carrier at the end of the week as well.” 

“Touche.” He smirked, glancing back down at the sitting infant in front of him before glancing out the door he was intentionally keeping wide open today. “Curly's never had a problem with busting down doors before, Titan, but I guess he doesn't know how to approach an open one either. At least without a warrant. ” 

Adaar sat up on the bed curiously to look past the open door to see the Commander himself talking to a page; he had the perfect angle to see Varric playing with Aussha on the carpet as well after the Dwarf intentionally moved the carpet towards the door. They would have closed the door for this sort of thing but the last thing they needed was for rumors to spread about them being romantically together or some shit. Everyone knew the Dwarf was basically the baby’s doting uncle of sorts and that he had motives when setting up todays session.

“He’s been doing that all the time since Iron Bull sat me down at the tavern.” Adaar sighed as she took one of Varric's pillows and hugged it tightly since Aussha was being occupied by the Dwarf. “If he wants to play ‘daddy’ all he has to do is ask… or maybe he’s intimidated by you doing that yourself, Varric.”

“Hey! I called dibs but not like THAT. I get to be the rich godfather who spoils Nubs here rotten and she knows I will do it too.” He confessed with a grin to Adaar before turning to look over at Cullen. “So long as Curly knows where I stand with the kid then everything will be good.” Varric pulled Aussha into his lap to hold her when she reached up at him insistently with a whine and smirked as the noise caught the attention of the Commander for a split second. Cullen quickly looked back at the papers in his hands awkwardly as he noticed both Adaar and Varric looking his way in the hall. 

“The page left but he’s still standing around by the wall and trying to pretend he’s reading reports…” Adaar observed, and smiled as she heard Varric click his tongue. 

“Alright. I’ll go give him the grand invitation, Titan. You owe me a pint though." 

Varric patted Aussha on the head fondly before setting her down, standing up, and heading out the door. The babe quickly occupied herself with a sewn nug her mother made for her as Adaar scooted over to the edge of the bed and reached down to smooth the curly mess Varric made of her hair. The toddler was chewing on the nug's leg as Adaar reached down to scoop her up reflexively as the sound of clanging metal drew near. She would never admit that Kirkwall made her sensitive to the sound of approaching armor but the habit hadn't failed to not keep her safe until she got to Skyhold.

“... and that’s why you need to leave your armor by the door, if you want in, Curly. She’ll rub her nubs against any surface possible and the last thing you want is a kid screaming and bleeding against your polished chestplate.”

Bless Varric and all that he is...

Adaar relaxed as she watched the Commander began to awkwardly remove each piece of his armor and set it down by the door as he conversed with the Dwarf. She never saw Cullen without his armor on that it was a bit surprising that he didn't completely fill out his armor like she thought he would. Then again, humans made use of padding more so than Qunari and it would make sense that he wouldn't be so bulky under it. Also the lack of concealed weapons on his person was rather disappointing and kind of concerning for her. She was snapped out of her thoughts of making some compartments that would be comfortable under his armor for a hidden dagger or two for safety when Cullen finally had enough of Varric's rambling.

“Alright, but this isn't the reason I’m here, Dwarf.” He remarked with a sigh as he set down his sword last. Cullen was about to reach into a bag he was carrying with him until Varric guided the taller man with his hand to his back like a provisioner proudly showing off their wares. Adaar was struggling to hold in her laughter at the sight of the shorter dwarf leading the much taller male to the bed where her and Aussha were.

“Oh come now. Don't ruin the family reunion by being in denial, Curly.” 

“Maker’s breath, this isn't the time- Hello, Lady Adaar. As I’ve said this involves a matter of great importance, Dwarf!” Cullen insisted, but still found the time to politely greet Adaar before driving home the point to Varric. The Dwarf was more interested in getting the Commander to sit down in a chair he pulled up next to the bed though and Adaar loved how casually Varric was being in what could have been very awkward.

“Like you’re neglected family isn't important, Curly?” He grinned at his counter, earning a frustrated growl from Cullen as he held his temples. Adaar frowned as she watched the situation spiral downwards with Cullen's persistence in being serious about matters other than them. He did acknowledge her respectfully when he came in but was it possible that he really wasn't standing around because he was too shy about meeting Aussha?

“It involves Hawk.”

That got Varric to shut up quickly and flat out killed the mood in the room.

“I… what…? Curly, you don't get to dodge responsibility just like that.” Varric nervously chuckled as his confidence was actually starting to falter for once. Adaar held Aussha close and gently bounced her in her arms as she started to babble to her, catching the Commander's eye for a moment. His attention went back to Varric before continuing speaking; albeit more sympathetically to the stunned Dwarf. 

“Hawk’s will entitled all of her assets; the Amell astate, her financial holdings, and everything else to you, Varric Tethras. You need to file a claim on the will by the end of the week or Kirkwall will seize the-”

“Where are the papers?” 

Cullen nodded his head as he removed the satchel from his being and handed it to Varric. It was a sobering sight to see Varric quietly walk over to his desk and pull out his glasses to begin reading each of the documents. Adaar held Aussha tighter to herself and pressed her lips to her child’s head as the rumors of the two did in fact have merit after all...

“Thank you for delivering that, Commander.” Adaar whispered to Cullen as the man got up from his seat and walked back over to the door to begin putting his armor back on. He merely nodded in acknowledgement as he got everything back into place and took one long last look at both her and Aussha before closing the door quietly behind him.


	3. Golden Dawn

Aussha started walking two days after that evening and Varric was on cloud nine with how happy he was with the little halfling. “Look at that, Titan! Look at her go!” Her wiggly legs weren't sturdy enough to keep the child from fallover but that's why he got the fluffy rugs installed after all. The Dwarf was on the verge of tears from how proud he was but Adaar refrained from teasing since she too was also getting a little teary eyed at the scene. She never thought seeing a child attempting to walk would be such a thing to emotional about but it was another sign that everything was going right with her small family.

“We need to get Curly down here and let him see, Titan!” The dwarf declared happily to the qunari sitting beside him.

“I literally was just up there giving him his lunch and he wasn't in a good mood today either.” Adaar remarked sadly. The Commander looked like he lost a lot of sleep lately from the dark bags under his eyes and how much he drifted off into his own world while trying to eat. She wished she could do more to help him but at least making sure that he attempted to eat might help turn him around soon.

“Who wouldn't smile after seeing what Nubs accomplished today?! Her father should be here to witness this historical event and that's final.” He stood up and walked over to the door, calling a page over to send his message. Adaar rolled her eyes at the determined dwarf but still found herself thinking of him more fondly than ever as he tried to overcome his depression. The fact that he wanted Cullen to bond with his supposed daughter was heartwarming to Adaar, even if she would never say it out loud. The page scurried off and Varric took his seat back from the squirmy wormy who was laying all over ‘his’ patch of the rug. “What did I do to deserve you hogging my spot, Nubs?! Huh?!” He began tickling the squealing child mercilessly before scooping her up and setting her on his lap. Adaar couldn't resist smiling at the sight of her daughter cackling madly and leaned in to kiss Aussha on top of her messy pile of curls. She was startled by the rattling sound of rushing armor as Cullen slid to a halt in the doorway, completely out of breath. 

“Is ev-everyone okay?! Tethras said...! Said something 'happened'!?”

Adaar paused for a moment before shooting Varric a glare. He just smiled innocently at the Qunari woman before standing up with Aussha in his arms. “Curly! Just in time! You got to see what Nubs did today.”

Cullen stared at Varric incredulously before giving in to his frustrations as he stood up straight. “Is this some kind of joke?! I was in a meeting!” 

“Shh! You’ll give her performance anxiety, Curly.” Varric snickered as he carried Aussha over to one end of the rug away from them and gently sat her down on her tush. Cullen was furious and was about to storm away until he saw Aussha get up on shaky legs to follow Varric as he began walking over to the Commander. Very slowly and with her hands out to help balance herself, Aussha whined as she took an awkward step towards Varric. Adaar's heart was pounding in her throat nervously as she watched Cullen from the edge of the carpet. He was completely captivated by the sight and she felt tears roll down her cheeks as she watched him change.

“Maker’s breath…!” His expression turned from shock to a proud smile as he watched the little one, HIS little one, make a valiant attempt at walking over to the dwarf. Any hesitation he had for sticking around was tossed aside as she took another step forward with a smile on her face. Cullen didn't think he would ever be worthy enough to raise a child and here he was, watching his daughter take her first steps. A little girl he didn't know that existed until a few months ago...

“Sorry. You were saying something about a War Room meeting, Curly? Didn't mean to pull you out of it for this.” Varric smirked with a shit eating grin as Cullen was fully occupied and charmed by the slow steps of Aussha before she fell flat on her diapered butt. Cullen drew back in surprise, unsure if the toddler needed any assistance or was going to sit there and break down crying. He looked from Adaar to Varric hesitantly for answers and felt completely out of his element at the moment.

“Is the little one okay?” He asked hesitantly before he heard footsteps running up behind him.

“What is the meaning of this interruption?!” Cassandra demanded as she stepped towards Cullen and shot a glare at Varric. “Is anyone room injured?”

“Nah, Seeker. A baby just took her first steps and her papa wanted to see them that badly.” Varric grinned as he glanced over at Aussha, who cackled happily as he turned his attention back to her. “Come on, Nubs, show the Seeker your marching steps!”

Cassandra made a disgusted noise at the dwarf’s tomfoolery and turned to look at Josephine, who managed to catch up with them. “Tethras is up to his nonsense again and wasting valuable time that should be spent dealing with the red lyrium crisis.”

“Come on, Seeker. A kid’s first steps are not something a parent see everyday.” Varric spoke up in defense.

“Which is why it's critical that we plan to do something about the future so that she has many more firsts to experience!” 

“Come on, Seeker. Look at him." Varric gestured towards Cullen, who was having difficulty paying attention to Cassandra as Aussha got back up, on her own, to wobble slowly over to Varric. "You know it means something to him if he's more focused on the kid than you. So Let him have the moment.” 

“Maybe if the ‘moment’ would not cause so much unnecessary anxiety and drama for the Inquisition then perhaps it would be overlooked.” She muttered cryptically as Josephine poked her head behind Cullen to see Aussha attempting to stand up again.

\---

-A few months ago-

“Come… again?” 

Cullen looked at the other two Advisors in complete confusion after they dragged him into a war room meeting and that the Inquisitor was noticeably absent. That alone should have immediately tipped him off that this wasn't just a normal meeting but he assumed she was going to be late or something like that. 

“Back when you were in Kirkwall, had you ever visited an establishment in Low Town called ‘The Brass Bard’?” Leliana repeated as she eyed him carefully. The war table was carefully cleared and several scrolls were unwinded with the war pieces holding down the corners to prevent them from rolling back up. Josephine gave Cullen a sympathetic half-smile as he gazed at her with pleading eyes, looking for her to bail him out of this ordeal. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he felt his neck grow red out of embarrassment. 

“I… I would rather… is there a reason for this inquiry? I can't imagine an answer would prove useful at all to the Inquisition’s operations.” He answered firmly as he straightened himself up under the Spymaster’s knowing gaze. 

“It might, Commander, depending on your answer.”

“I’m afraid I'm not quite convinced with that answer, Leliana.” 

“Fine. It no secret that you and the Inquisitor are seeing each other in... private.” She started, “Your little displays of affection on battlements is enough to solidify that fact alone that you both hold feelings for each other, if it wasn't already obvious, Commander.”

Cullen’s hand clenched as it rest above the pommel of his sword, his heart racing from the reveal that more than just his guards had seen their exchange on battlements but he should have been more careful. “So, you wish to blackmail me into making the Inquisitor do something? That's petty considering I haven't visited a whore house since I’ve left Kirkwall to join the Inquisition on an invitation, mind you.” 

“It's far from that, Cullen.” Josephine was quick to step in before the situation escalated any further with a reassuring smile. “We have no issue with your relationship to the Inquisitor nor plan to do anything as to dirty your trust in us with blackmail. We are looking out for both of you as your romance blossoms. Isn't that right, Leliana?”

The Spymaster merely nodded her head once in silent agreement. “The past has a way of catching us all unawares, Commander, and this might turn out to be quite the life-changing one that could potentially affect the Inquisitor and her ability to be rational. There is a Qunari woman traveling to Skyhold whom was a prostitute originally from the very establishment we mentioned.” 

Cullen quirked a brow at Leliana and felt dread slowly fading from him. There was no way the prostitute would be able to identify him since he was rather careful with how he went about relieving himself during Kirkwall. “And? Are you implying that this woman would seek to exploit me, if I had sought her services at one time?”

The look on leliana’s face choked out the confidence in his logic when she glanced over at Josephine and watched her step up to the war table. “We do not know her intentions but she is with a child, approximately a year in age, and is reported to be seeking a man whom joined the conclave from Kirkwall, Cullen.” 

His face grew pale as he also felt the beginnings of a headache at the news. The whore houses were always strict about keeping their women childfree as to allow them to work and he had been reassured by the owner himself that all the women took potions…

“We narrowed a list of men who joined the Inquisition that early from Kirkwall and took the child’s appearance as one of the many basis for investigation into our men since you qualified as one of them from the beginning… Needless to say that it would be a huge scandal if the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces sired a child out of wedlock and to add the fact that it's common knowledge of your relationship, at least around Skyhold, with the Inquisitor… It does not bode well at all if it turns out to be true.”

He felt like vomiting or passing out from how serious the implications were, perhaps both. Forgoing his reputation, how would the Inquisitor feel about him having a child? A child with a Qunari prostitute nonetheless?

“I suggested we handle this… 'quietly' but Josephine insists on continuing the investigation since there are many facts that do not seem to line up with the information we acquired.” Leliana commented, gesturing to the scrolls spread across the war table.

“Yes. It is possible that you are not the father and would not be a situation we would have to act on. You are one of twenty men alive in the Inquisition that could potentially be the father, Cullen. It's not certain.” Josephine smiled reassuringly at the Commander. Cullen was having trouble seeing straight from how light-headed he was feeling from everything. A father? HIM? Also the fact that Leliana was considering killing the two just for possibly being associated with him? He was going to need to lay down for a while after this meeting...

“I-I believe that would be the wisest course for now. We shouldn't go out of our way to interfere in others lives based solely on circumstantial evidence alone.” He managed to respond while trying to keep face the best he could in front of the two women whom looked at him with concern, at least Josephine made it more obvious. “If that is all, just keep me informed should any progress be made.” 

“We will, Commander.”

\---

It wasn't until a month into their relationship that Cullen admitted, with much shame, that it was possible that he might have sired a child in Kirkwall. Trevelyan was glad that the Commander confided in her another trouble that was bothering him greatly along with his lyrium withdrawals. She sat down on his bed and watched him move back and forth across the room, likely mentally chastising himself to no end for his sin.   
“I had- What I done was- My time in Kirkwall was a dark time and companionship was not something I was… looking for.” He explained as truthfully as possible as he paced back and forth before his patient lady, too afraid to make eye contact in his vulnerable state. His hand was tightly fisted to control the shaking and pressed to the pommel of his sword to better disguise his nervousness. “I was reassured that the workers getting pregnant wasn't a concern since they took precautions but… But now…!”

“I understand, Cullen, but you said that Leliana and Josephine aren't certain that the child is yours but that it's merely a possibility…?” She asked carefully, not wanting to overtax the fraying Commander as he was. He halted in his step in front of her before slowly turning towards her with a pained look on his face.

“Yes… but…” His gaze fell to his feet for but a moment before he looked back up at her. “What if they- would you even want me still?” 

Trevelyan searched Cullen’s face carefully and saw how tired with worry he was over the situation, he had been sleeping less in the past week, and for this to be the reason why. Only two months together and he was proving to be a more admirable man than she originally thought when she first met him. 

Spending time with him always made any stressful day better, even if he all he was able to do was lay in bed with her due to exhaustion claiming him. On better days, they would dress down and ride the horses out of Skyhold to get away from all the stressors in their lives. Trevelyan loved him greatly and wanted nothing more to be there for him on the worst days when the lyrium withdrawals forced her to order him to bed rest and try to comfort him whenever she could manage to get away. If she could handle him at his lowest, when he would literally wreck his office out of hysteria like when they started dating, she could handle the thought of him possibly having a kid. 

“Well… Do you- did you love this woman? The one who had your child?” She asked, keeping a lid on her feelings, as she gripped the bed sheets beside her legs.

“No! Maker’s- No!” He got down on a knee to cup the side of Trevelyan’s face with a gloved hand to look at her sincerely. “I’ve never seen- I only paid for her services and that was all.”

Trevelyan didn't looked too convinced with the way he tripped over his words in a panic to reassure her but the way he looked at her with his eyes was all the truth she needed to know; he wasn't lying. She smiled warmly at him and brought her hand up to playfully flick his nose. “I believe you, Cullen. I won't leave you just because you had a child by accident in the past.” Her smiled turned to a serious stare as she now had a more pressing question that needed to be address. “What will you do IF it's your child? Are you just… letting it be?”

“I… I honestly don't know…” He sighed and sat down on the bed beside her. Cullen looked so lost in that moment that Trevelyan was genuinely feeling pity for him and brought her hand to his back to rub it. They sat in silence for a good few minutes while Cullen ran so many scenarios over and over in his head like he had done whenever he had a quiet moment to contemplate to himself. It was stressful and strained both of their hearts as the bed creaked below their weight to fill the silence.

\---

Trevelyan made it her goal to see if this Qunari woman was as much as a threat to her relationship as Leliana thought it might be. The woman was a broad shouldered Qunari who was the opposite of Iron Bull in terms of how much clothing she wore on herself along with the scarf she kept wrapped around her lower face at all times. She had very lovely eyes, the Inquisitor noted, as she watched her interact with Varric and noted how intimidated the general personnel seemed around her until her friend stepped up to aid her. 

After observing her for a week, Trevelyan then assigned Adaar to bring lunch to Cullen to see if the two actually had history or not beyond what everyone assured her. She had one of the guards keep watch for her during that hour and was satisfied to hear that the two of them never really talked much outside of the usual greetings, if Cullen didn't try to reject the food so he could work more. It was more proof that Cullen was not lying to her and it made her happy to know that. What she DIDN'T expect was him growing curious of his possible child. 

The golden-haired half-qunari child became something of a niece to Varric, who in turned loved to talk about her to anyone who was willing to listen and tell dramatic stories of mundane things she did any particular day. Some were rather hilarious and fun to hear about while traveling with the dwarf; like the time Iron Bull came to ask Varric something and caused the child to cry after seeing him. The fact that Bull took a good twenty minutes to calm the child down by himself had Trevelyan smiling warmly at the Qunari male as he happily joined in to explain the story from his side. She never thought Bull had a nurturing side before under all that muscle and it had her curiously daydreaming at times on the road. 

As fun as it was to hear stories about the child, Trevelyan grew oddly uncomfortable of Cullen’s fascination with his possible child. He was careful with the questions he would ask Varric about her from time to time and made sure he wasn't in the same room as her to keep people from possibly comparing them, ESPECIALLY VARRIC. Cullen was even more careful with his hair in the mornings and made sure not a curl stuck out in case people got suspicious. Maybe she was uncomfortable with how paranoid he was being about the whole situation; No one outside of her, Leliana and Josephine knew any the wiser about the situation but he was certain that he could never be too careful.

All it took was a page bringing Cullen a note during one of their war room meetings to make him drop the whole facade for a moment to bolt out of room. A vague note from Varric, of all people, to get him to dash through Skyhold and disregard his careful facade. A note that simply read: ‘Something happened’.

Trevelyan spent the rest of that day at the tavern in the company of the Chargers and slowly drinking booze as they all told stories around their booth. She was oddly happy for Cullen to actually see his child but the uncertainty that he could possibly be hurt if the child now wasn't his soured her taste for drink. Iron Bull seemed to take notice and took a seat beside the unusual quiet inquisitor.

“Something bugging you, Boss?”

\---

The next day, Adaar brought the Commander’s lunch up like usual and brought a small roll of sweet bread up along with the tray. Cullen was hard at work like always at his desk when she knocked on the door and smiled when she saw him look up after a guard let her in. He stood up immediately from his chair to greet her. “Ah! Lady Adaar.” Cullen came around the desk and walked over to her to carefully take the tray out of her hand. “Maker's Breath, you really sh- There’s no need to continue to do this, my lady.”

Adaar chuckled and placed her hands behind her back as she followed Cullen over to his desk. It must have been a good day considering the orderly stacks of paperwork and the amount of ample space for him to set down the tray immediately without knocking anything over. She took her spot in her usual chair in front of his desk and was about to pull out her sewing needles when Cullen walked back around to sit in a chair beside her.

“I thank you for bringing me a meal everyday without fail, Lady Adaar, but I would like to talk since I got myself a meal before you came today.”

She quirked an eyebrow at his last statement and eyed the ex-templar suspiciously. It would explain why there was a tray beside the door when she walked in and his energy level. Still… he has hidden food before once. Cullen sighed as he knew that look very well and what it meant.

“Look, I’m not making excuses to avoid eating. If I indulge on the bread you brought while we talk, would that suffice?” 

“... If you eat half of the soup after we are through with talking, then yes.”

Cullen was rather light on his feet as he got up and plucked the sweet roll off the tray. Adaar would have possibly asked him to see the doctor for how strange he was acting until he sat down on the chair beside her.

“What’s her name?”

Adaar gave Cullen a blank stare.

“What?”

His face grew red in embarrassment at how overeager he was for information that he forgot about how to have a proper conversation. “Maker’s Breath, my apologies. Let me rephrase the question a bit. ‘What is your daughter’s name?’.”

Adaar stared at Cullen for a good moment before feeling herself smile.

“Her name is ‘Aussha’.”

Cullen’s face lit up so brightly at that information that he was having trouble containing his happiness at hearing his possible daughter's name. Adaar felt a surge of warmth through her at seeing the father of her daughter reacting so pleasantly to that fact.

“Does it mean anything? Maker, of course it means something but- you know…”

“Yes, it means something similar to ‘golden dawn’. I rather liked the name.”

Cullen smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck before looking at Adaar with such keen interest. “I like it. It’s rather fitting. Because of her hair, I mean!”

Adaar laughed happily as the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces tripped over his own tongue while discussing her daughter with her. It was endearing, to say the least.   
“It actually means ‘Amber’ as well…”

She glanced over at him to see if she would get a reaction from him and was almost worried for him with how red his face got. Bingo. 

“I-Is…?! Th-that…! Maker's Breath, I mean….!” 

He needed to stop being this easy to tease or Adaar just might enjoy seeing him turn into a tomato at the drop of a hat whenever she felt like it.

“Um…” Cullen was holding his shaking hand on his lap and tried to cover it with the other to make it less obvious that his nerves were on the fritz. “You wouldn't… happen to like… Emeralds, right…?” He avoided her gaze as he murmured it to her, afraid that the guard at the far end of the room might hear their cryptic conversation.

“The gemstone is rather lovely, isn't it?” She hummed knowingly, pulling out her sewing needles and her scarf in progress as Cullen went silent beside of her. It was all that was needed to be said about that topic; they were definitely doing the nasty through a hole in the wall a year and a half ago. Something that felt like a lifetime ago for Cullen but it certainly wasn't an unpleasant memory for him. 

“I’m going to go eat…. Eat at my desk, that is.”

“Go ahead, Commander, I’ll be right here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback helps chase away the procrastination bug so please do leave a comment with your thoughts! What do you like about the fic so far?


	4. Where she does not star

“So… she won't cry if I touch her, right?”

“Curly. Give yourself some credit. She didn't break down crying the moment you walked into the room this time!”

Adaar snickered as she watched the armorless Commander sit on the fur rug with Varric as Aussha sat in the dwarf's lap. Cullen was nervously glancing at the babe, who was more interested in the toy nug in the Commander's hand then the man himself, and then back to Adaar. She gave him a reassuring smile, unobscured by her scarf after they had their little conversation yesterday over lunch, and felt it would be okay to let him see her face in private. Besides, she was used to being scarfless when in Varric’s room when he wanted to sit down and play with Aussha. Why hide what he sort of already knew? The flush on his cheeks when she caught him staring at her scarred lips was positively endearing to Adaar and it was fun to tease the Commander without anyone ever knowing any better.

“Okay, here’s the game plan, Curly. That nug in your hands? She’s entranced by it, like I told you she would, and you’re gonna use it to help her get used to being held by you. She takes bribes well.” Varric chuckled as he gazed down at the babe wiggling in his lap and hesitantly reaching towards the toy in his hand. “Oh. Right. If you know what's good for you, you’ll take off that mantle thing and put it on the bed or somewhere she can't reach it. Also remove any writing materials or notes on your persons cause she’ll go for anything not strapped down to your clothes tightly.”

Cullen chuckled at this as he looked down at Aussha and began removing his furry mantle. He glanced around for somewhere to put the coat down before Adaar offered to take it for him. She also collected a few more folded up parchments that the Commander had on him, including a worn out coin, and placed them towards the back of Varric's nightstand. She opted to fold the mantle and leave it on her lap for warmth as she watched him sit back down on the ground.

“Alright. Now that we got that out of the way, we can begin your training, Curly.” Varric grinned as he reseated the babe in his lap since she was half off it from trying to get out of his grip. “This is a child. Your child exactly but don't expect her to know that when you’re holding her. She’ll likely go for the toy and come back over to me since she has good taste in dwarves.”

The Commander brought a hand to the back of his neck with a nervous smile as Varric made it very obvious who Aussha saw as a parental figure. He was likely going to have to play a long, grueling game of catch up to even come close to becoming her preferred companion, especially with someone like Varric to compete with.

“He’s just playing with your head, Commander. I'm sure she’ll be charmed with time if you are patient.”

He seemed to relax with Adaar’s reassuring words and gave her a warm smile before looking back down at the child. 

“I think… I think I can handle this.”

“Someone’s in for a wake up call…” Varric grinned over his shoulder at Adaar before facing front to lift Aussha up and onto her feet between the two men. “Alright, Curly. Good luck.”

Aussha wobbled on her shaky legs as Varric slowly removed his hands from under her arms, letting the babe stabilize herself before he watched her make a slow step towards Cullen. Her eyes were affixed to the soft toy nug in his hand and his eyes were affixed to the wonder before him. He was almost about to start breaking down right there as she got closer to him and felt a surge of pride in his little girl as she drew near. This was such a wonderful feeling to him and it made up for how absolutely shit his week, no, the past month had been on him. A light grey, curly, blonde, Qunari child was simply existing and now he was determined to be part of her life when she reached up to grab the nug he held out for her. The smile on her face as she held it with him made Cullen realize what he really wanted in his life. He gently reached out and stroked her messy hair, smiling when he felt the little nubs that Varric had told him about earlier. She was so cute and Maker's breath! He could not resist the urge any longer and carefully lifted her up under her arms to bring her to his chest for a hug.

She immediately screamed.

\---

“Bull! Stop laughing!” Trevelyan playfully slapped the giant Qunari’s arm as he howled with laughter while Varric happily retold the story of Cullen’s first interaction with Aussha, leaving out the bit that revealed the Commander as the father for Adaar's sakes. The Qunari woman was sitting next to Krem and the other Chargers as they played with said Qunari baby, while Bull sat next to Trevelyan at the end of the table cluster. 

“I have never seen Curly pass the kid back to me so quickly after she started screaming! Poor guy was trying his best to calm her before I offered him an out.” 

“He likely pinched her by accident when picking her up.” Adaar added. “She was behaving just fine when he was petting her.”

“Except he didn't bring the nug to his face so she would associate him with the toy, Titan.”

“No where in your prep talk did you mention such steps to him, Varric.” 

“Didn't hear you jump in either when he was going to pick her up, ‘Momma Adaar’.” The Dwarf shot back playfully before picking up his pint to chug it down.

“I assumed that her Godfather had it all handled like he usually does.” She chuckled as she adjusted her scarf to make it sit more comfortably over her nose. The others laughed around the table at the story as they downed their own drinks, if they were not preoccupied by a precious blonde Qunari baby already. Krem happily bounced Aussha's on his lap, making the Chargers smile as the baby cackled before he began transferring the Qunari to Bull. The large Qunari patted Aussha on the head before holding up his pint with his other hand.

“I’ll pass on the screaming tonight. No offense, Kid.” He smiled at Aussha before turning his attention back to Trevelyan.

“Pass Nubs over if Tiny doesn't want her. I need her for the next part of the story anyways.” Varric held out his hands as Aussha was passed along by each Charger until he was holding the blonde babe once more. “Hey there! Miss Uncle Varric?” The Dwarf chuckled as he placed a kiss on the little Qunari’s head before sitting her down on his lap. She was more interested in the cloth squid he pulled out of his coat pocket more than the man himself and he was happy to hand it over to her grabby hands. “No? Just like the things I hide in my magic coat pockets, Nubs?”

“Looks about right from how much you spoil her, Varric.” Someone laughed out from the bar counter.

“Hey. I'm bribing her from the bottom of my cold dead heart over here. Let an old Dwarf enjoy the simpler things in life for once.” He laughed before ruffling Aussha’s hair playfully, earning a whine from the half-qunari. 

\---

“Cullen! Ah!” The Inquisitor squeaked as the Commander scooped her out of her chair in her room and spun her around happily. “Cullen! Put me down!” She cackled happily before he smoothly placed her down on her feet before him with ease. “What? What has gotten into you?”

“Maker’s breath, where do I even begin?” He smiled warmly at her, his face was bright and lively as he tried to gather his thoughts. “It was such a wonderful day and I’m finally with you.”

“Stop your flattering, Serah! What if someone hears?” She cackled mischievously before leaning up to nuzzle her nose against his’ affectionately. 

“Right. I do have an unapproachable grump persona to keep up, as the Dwarf would say.” He rolled his eyes at the thought before smiling happily at his lovely lady. Cullen released her waist from his hold and gestured towards the bed so they could sit together. 

“Indeed. Rather not let others find out how charming you can be on top of good looking, Ser Rutherford.” She teased before taking his hand into her’s to walk with him over to the bed.

“At least it keeps the harpies away. Not that having you as my lover doesn't keep them away anyhow.” He chuckled in embarrassment, feeling his cheeks burn up as he watched Treylan bring his hand up to her neck to begin unbuttoning her shirt. “Not that I don't like this, believe me I do, but-”

She leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips and he slowly became more open to the ideas she had planned very quickly.

\---

They were sweaty and satisfied as Cullen pulled the comforters up to cover their bare bodies. Trevelyan wasn't much of a snuggler so they hesitantly parted themselves from each other before just laying beside each other in a happy daze. Cullen thought it was unusual that she did not like to be embraced after sexual activities but it was a lot easier to understand after she explained that she enjoyed just laying next to him. That he was a giant furnace and she easily grew uncomfortable from being too warm before sleeping. 

Instead, their hands or backs would touch during the night. 

It wasn't a distance but comfortable middle grounds and Cullen began to appreciate it when the back of her hand would search for his to press against if not their backs that night. Sometimes he would get cheeky and intertwine their fingers to get her to rise with a smile on her face from the small gesture. A smile that he greatly loved to see, especially if it was a bad withdrawal morning where she might do it in return. 

He laid there watching the comforter over his beloved rise slowly up and down as she drifted off to much needed sleep. Cullen felt bliss and reassurance watching her that he felt his own eyes grow heavy. He blew out the candle on the nightstand next to him before laying back to get comfortable under the warm sheets. Nightmares were less likely to seek him out during days like these or at the very least not gain such a strong hold on him. Sleep came easier when he was with her but his dreams of late had been drifting off into a fantasy where she did not star…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god. four long chapters and we're through the first document where I wrote this all down. Soon we'll catch up to where I stopped to attempt to work on more Cullen x Fem!whatever AU oneshots (having trouble with that though). As usual, leave your comments and plot bunnies below please!


	5. Honesty is Healthy

“It's not unheard of to be jealous of a kid, Boss. You didn't know and it's fine to be upset. So long as you talk to someone about it and get it all out, you should be alright.” Iron Bull patted Trevelyan’s back reassuringly as they drank in her room privately after she managed to lure him up with the flash of a 'discrete' bottle of heavy liquor. 

“It’s not that, Bull.” She frowned as she began filling her cup before passing the bottle to the Qunari. “It has me thinking of the actual future should the world not end with Cullen. Like what I want out of the relationship in the long term, should we make it that long together.”

He nodded his head sympathetically, eyeing her slouched form with more consideration than he usually showed. “Nothing wrong with that, Boss. But that's not all you worry about, right?”

“Yeah…” She drank back the liquor in her cup before letting out an exhausted sigh. “He's obvious enchanted by the prospect of being a father with the way he looks at the girl and that’s likely something I can't give him.”

“Personal reason or otherwise, Boss?” He asked carefully as he watched her finished the rest of her pint.

“A bit of both. I was told I had a fertility issue back in the Circle when I was younger and I guess I was always used to the idea of never having children. I always did like the idea of being an auntie of sorts though.” She smiled fondly at the memory of her siblings and wondered if she actually WAS an aunt or not, being cut off from the family had its unfortunate disadvantages in that aspect. 

“That’s how you want to live then I say you better bring it up with him sooner than later, Boss. I don't see the Commander being a man to make a big deal about it and perhaps his obsession with the family fantasy will fade if you are honest with him." He remarked as he poured himself some more of the liquor before taking a thoughtful sip. "It's not so much an issue with Qunari since there is a whole system in place that would not make such a big issue on your organs not functioning properly but it's just a tad bit different for you.”

“Thanks, Bull. Sorry to pull you away again just so you could hear me complain.” Trevelyan chuckled as he handed her back the bottle she placed it down on the nightstand before drinking it back slowly. 

“A free drink is a free drink, Boss. Besides, you need this. You’re wound up with stress and the weight of the world on your tiny shoulders. I could always do more to help you like before, Boss. No obligations though.” Bull emphasised, not trying to strongarm her at all but made certain that it really was the truth.

“The bottle and your company is enough right now.” She looked at him with the warmest of smiles before setting her pint down on the night stand. “But I’ll keep your offer in mind should it get to that point again.”

\---

“You’re doing WHAT with The Iron Bull?” Cullen turned away from the bed in disgust and picked up his shirt that he had tossed earlier. 

“I want to be honest about what I’m doing with Bull, Cullen. We are not engaging in anything sexual and I wear clothes during our sessions. Please sit down and hear me out on this!” Trevelyan pleaded as she got up and off the bed to follow Cullen.

“So, what? He ties you up and hits you?! How am I supposed to be anything but enraged at his behavior towards you?” Cullen turned towards her while pinching his temples, trying to contain his rage at the whole situation. 

“It’s a form of trust! I trust Bull to never hurt me during the whole thing and he has to stop if I say our safe word! That's how it works, Cullen. No one gets hurt and no lines are overstepped. We don't talk about it the next day.”

“I fail to see how this is safe at all." Cullen paces furiously about the room as he tries to get him emotions hopelessly under control. "He is a massive Qunari and a mercenary, Trevelyan. He could use this as blackmail against you, against the Inquisition, itself!” 

“And how do you think I feel about Lady Adaar being in Skyhold with your possible bastard, Cullen? The Commander of our forces with a child out of wedlock, with a prostitute from Kirkwall, and I’m your lover!” She rebutted, hurt by Cullen’s accusations against Bull when his situation was no better.

“Lady Adaar has done nothing to raise suspicion and you even assigned her to me, knowing that we could have had prior history, without my consent on the matter!" He shot back angrily, "If the child is mine then she will certainly be raised knowing that her father loves her greatly and that he wants to be in her life. I have no shame when it comes to Aussha as she is now and will never feel any!”

His confession had Trevelyan clutching her fist by her sides in quiet rage and she did her best not to break down in front of her love. “Then you understand that we relieve stress in different ways, Cullen. Sex doesn't give me all that I need and neither does my affection completely your own. I'm not saying you are a poor lover, never, but Bull can help me where Adaar and Aussha help you. Please understand this.”

Cullen pulled the rest of his clothing on and stepped forward to give Trevelyan a kiss on the forehead for a quick second. “I need time to think on all of this. You make fair points that I haven't considered and I apologize for raising my voice at you. I’ll write for you when I have my head together.”

“I understand.” She murmured softly as he opened the door and closed it quietly behind him.

\---

Unlike many other humans, Commander Cullen was an easy person to read and accommodate for on his worsts of days, even when withdrawal was not the source of his troubles. Adaar noticed he was more exhausted when she came up to bring his meals this week and made sure to bring him a warm cup of tea in the evenings on top of that during these trying times for him. Unlike her afternoon duties to the Commander, she did not stay to make sure he finished the cup but merely wait a moment to observe the strained man. It was usually enough to get him to lift up his cup and take a sip before she would beckon him farewell, a reassurance that he will at least try to drink it.

Unlike prior downturns in the Commander’s moods, he was not steadily improving and making an attempt to spend an hour to play with Aussha. The little girl wasn't really attached to her new playmate since Varric was always hogging up her time when he wasn't working or going somewhere dangerous with the Inquisitor, like now. Aussha was strapped to her back asleep as she carried the lunch tray towards Cullen’s tower since Adaar was now without the legendary writing babysitter for at least a month. She waited for a moment outside of the Commander’s door before knocking on it and went in when he expectantly didn't answer like the other times this week.

“Commander. You have a guest.” She announced.

Cullen grumbled as he had one hand running through his curly locks as he was expectantly glued to the papers on his desk in front of him. Poor guy forgot his hair promenade this morning or forgot to get more. Adaar smiled fondly at his hair and thought fondly about the comparison to the babe strapped to her back.

“I told the guards that I would not be seeing guests today.” He spat, making Adaar glad that he wasn't looking up and seeing her telling smirk.

“Yes, but she insisted on coming with me.” She spoke calmly as she slowly approached his desk, hearing the snickering of the guards behind her.

“She could be Queen Theirin and I still wouldn't have time for her nonsense, Lady Adaar.”

“Well, I think she would take issue with being removed from my back right about now, Commander.” Her grin grew as she paused beside his desk and watched him slowly process that bit while clearing up his desk for the meal.

“You strapped the Queen of Ferelden to your back?” He asked incredulously before glancing up at Adaar as she set the tray down on the desk before turning around casually to walk over to her chair. His face grew flushed in embarrassment as he saw baby Aussha in a swaddle and curled up against her mother’s back. The guards were having a difficult time concealing their laughter and the Commander noticed immediately out of embarassment. “Out!” They quickly scrambled to leave the two be and explode into laughter in the hallway after closing the door behind them.

“Maker's-! Lady Adaar…!” He groaned as he head his head in his hand. “That wasn't the least bit amusing.”

“My apologies, Commander. Varric stepped out with the Inquisitor and now I'm short a caretaker for Aussha.” She smiled unapologetically under her scarf at the curly Commander as she loosened the swaddle slightly and shifted it around to the front before sitting down. Aussha whined softly at the disrupted movement and wiggled to get comfortable readjust against her mother’s bosoms. Adaar smiled down at her equally curly blonde babe and leaned down to place a kiss on her head as the little one went back to sleep. “Luckily she is put down for her nap around this time so she shouldn't be too disruptive.”

Cullen smiled weakly at the sight of babe shifting and complaining in the swaddle, exhaustion being plainly obvious to Adaar as he stared. Bags under the eyes, ink stains against a cheek from brushing an ink smeared glove against his face, unruly hair that she would love to stroke back into order, and slightly bloodshot eyes. He was a mess and as amusing as it was to see the upright Commander in shambles, it was her job to help him.

“Commander. I was given orders from a concerned party-”

“Leliana and Josephine, no doubt.” He sighed before removing his gloves to eat his bread.

“... These concerned friends have asked me to give you a tonic that will… Force you to sleep for at least eight to nine hours.” She spoke carefully and holding up a hand to silence him as he was about to get up from his chair in disgust. “BUT, I know your issues would not be solved by a forceful sleep and the fallouts of not being able to awaken from a nightmare. I’m going to be trying a different form of therapy to help you through your troubles; I'm going to let you summon me whenever you wish and at whatever time should you need anything at all. We could talk, I could make you your favorite teas, and I’ll even stay by your bedside all night.”

“I… Maker, you really don't have to…” He spoke incredulously, surprised that Adaar would put in more effort to help him outside of her duties. “Aussha does not even have a caretaker, Lady Adaar, I do not think, nor want, you to just drop everything to tend to my needs.”

“You have an ink stain on the side of your cheek, Commander.” 

He flushed in embarrassment as he grabbed a handkerchief to rub at the cheek she specified with her finger.

“If it’s during the day, I should be able to bring Aussha and if you need me at night, one of the wet nurses are to care for her. Josephine arranged a few caretakers but none can watch her all day like Varric could. It's a downgrade but for the better good.”

“Maker's breath, Lady Adaar, I can't allow you to do this, regardless of how well meaning these ‘friends’ of ours are. You’re a refugee, not a soldier or an agent of the Inquisition. You are not obligated beyond the Inquisitor’s initial tasks for you.” He spoke resolutely and with firm confidence on the matter.

“Then I’m doing my duties as the mother of your child, Cullen.” Adaar replied, emphasizing his name as she spoke. “I helped you before, in a way, back in Kirkwall, and I'm helping you now since I personally wish to see you better.” Her firmness tone turned to genuine warmth as she looked down at her sleeping child before looking back up at him. “My life has purpose once more, Ser Amber, and I haven't begun to show my appreciation for your words that night…”

Cullen ears flushed red at her bringing up their history at Kirkwall along with her sincerity at how his impulsive self helped made someone’s life better at that time. He glanced down at the steaming cup of tea on his tray and picked it up with a smile before taking a long appreciative sip from it. He never thought of his actions before the Inquisition as good and had destroyed many to finally realize how far he strayed from his path of being the ideal Templar he dreamed of being. But Adaar reminded him of the small acts of kindness that he had forgotten over the years of fear and self-hatred. 

“Thank you, Lady Adaar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long delay in getting this chapter up! I have no excuses for the procrastination other than forgetting I was suppose to do my weekly update! ;-; Please leave comments and tell me what you like! Plot bunnies have a habit of possibly becoming future canon!


	6. Kindness

Cullen finally got the nerves to send for Adaar two days after she offered to be there for him whenever he needed. It had to be several hours before dawn that he had her come into his office and he found himself first apologizing percussively then had to be sit down by a half-awake Adaar. Then he spilled his worries out for her, especially regarding Trevelyan and Bull.

“I see. So, what exactly worries or confuses you about their time together, Cullen?” She asked with a smile, helping to ease the flustered commander, who was clearly not sleeping even before she arrived.

“I-! I just don't understand why Trevelyan needs to be hit to feel less stressed? Why Iron Bull? Am I really such a poor lover that I can't even give her what she needs?”

He was visibly shaking and suffering from a bad withdrawal night on top of his anxieties. Adaar wanted so badly to take him to his room and just have him lay down while talking this out, he was so uncomfortable with being in his office to discuss such private matters. 

“It’s not about being ‘hit’ that enables release from stress, Cullen. The point is that he puts her in a safe place where she doesn't have to be important and is in a fantasy where she is free from responsibility. The Iron Bull seems to know the rules rather well of having that kind of a relationship of they aren't stepping the bounds they established up front, mainly avoiding the temptation to push towards pleasure. She likely feels that it's not appropriate to force you to play such a role when she enjoys you no less for not having that experience.” She spoke, gently patting Cullen’s hand that she place on her own so he could have a proper anchor.

“I… I could always learn? It might not be as good as The Iron Bull’s at the beginning but I'm sure with some time…!”

“Do you think you could see yourself as a dominant force over Trevelyan without crossing lines into an abusive relationship? I honestly do not think it would be wise for your with your history and pains, to diverge into that territory. Light bondage of the wrist and orgasm denial are some thing you can incorporate into your nightly excursions without issue but I think you should talk to Iron Bull about what exactly he does so you feel more comfortable knowing how she relieved. He has the experience and sometimes it's best to leave that in capable hands rather than possibly making a mistake that you could very much regret, Cullen.”

“I… I see… The Iron Bull did not go with Trevelyan to the Hinterlands either… maybe I'm just… Afraid that she’ll prefer him over all my flaws… I could very much fall at any moment…” 

Adaar squeezed his hand tightly and cupped his chin so he was looking up at her. “Do not make light of how far you have come from Kirkwall, Cullen. You haven't let your guilt take you then and i certainly cannot see it taking you now with all the good you are doing in this world.”

Cullen was trembling hard, restraining his emotions as he got out of his chair and looked at Adaar. “Would… You stay until dawn…? By my sid- by my bedside, I mean.”

“If you promise to close your eyes and pretend to sleep.” She smiled under her scarf as Cullen chuckled weakly at her joke.

“I’ll try.”

\--- 

“Thank you for bringing this up with us as soon as you could, Lady Adaar.” Josephine smiled in relief as Adaar told the three female Advisors about spending a few hours by Cullen’s bedside as he slept that morning.

“Did he tell you what was the matter?” Cassandra asked inquisitively.

“It was… a combination of many things we suspected and I fear sleep deprivation is compounding his stress.” Adaar answered carefully as she bottle-fed Aussha before the war table and the other women. 

“How well did he sleep this morning?” Leliana questioned 

“He was jumping at the creaks in his floorboards and would wake up, or at least open his eyes, if I moved in my chair. A step stool is rather unpleasant to sit in one position for a whole hour, I'm afraid.” She chuckled in amusement, earning a smile from Josephine.

“You must be rather tired after all that. I have a guest room that is available for useage near the Commander's tower that you can use to rest up when he calls you in for late night therapy appointments. Leliana and I will be alerted when he sends you a summons so you do not have to feel as if you have to feel anything but confidence going to his room when the Inquisitor is not around to assist him.* Josephine happily chipped in before Cassandra spoke up.

“Yes, but be aware that this is not a free pass to take advantage of the Commander, should he feel the need to… engage in activities you once did in Kirkwall.”

“I haven't had the thought to help him in that regards, to be honest. Trevelyan would know how to better accommodate for his tastes than I would and he would likely prefer her, judging from our conversations.” Adaar remarked rather professionally, earning nervous glances and a disgusted noise from Cassandra 

“Well. I'm glad we will not be having that issue then. Let us know if anything else comes up that we can help with, Lady Adaar.”

“I will certainly. Now, I'm off to a bed that sounds very nice right about now after I get this little one changed around.”

\---

Commander Cullen was in better spirits when Adaar came into his office with her usual lunch tray and tea. His hair was slicked back and it was obvious he had bathed with the lack of ink staining his skin but he still looked worn out as she walked over to his desk. “The piles seem to be more manageable today, Commander.” She chuckled softly, watching him push aside his reports to make space for the tray. Adaar set it down before watching him look up at her with a tired smile.

“Yes. Sleep works wonders at helping with the daily grind, I found.” He broke off a piece of bread and dipped it into his stew as Adaar sat down in her chair after readjusting her sling. His eyes glanced over to Aussha sleeping against her mother, in her padded sling, and felt his lips curl upwards at the sight. “Does she have trouble sleep at night?”

Adaar looked up at him curiously as she was removing her sewing needles from her pouch. “Erm… Sometimes falling asleep can be troublesome if we, Varric and I, don't let her run about the room to let off her energy prior to naps but she sleeps through pretty much anything.”

“‘Anything’?” He asked as he dipped another piece in his stew and swirled it around. “I’ve never seen children deal with storms well…”

“Oh. Well… a passing shower doesn't phase her…” Adaar started off nervously, glancing down at Aussha to avoid eye contact with Cullen. “I… Well…”

“Hm?” 

“I only spent a few days recovering in Kirkwall after having her before beginning my journey to here. Camping out in rain storms hasn't exactly helped her adjust to the weather patterns…”

“Maker-! I'm so sorry that you went to such lengths on my behalf! Lady Adaar-!” Adaar held up her hand to stop him from getting up and smiled at him reassuringly.

“Right, Aussha screams during storms. I like to think she is challenging the gods themselves to a contest of endurance with how long she carries on.” She chuckled in amusement, relaxing as she looked down at her baby in a fond manner. “Skyhold’s walls will provide us comfort as long as the Inquisition will have us.” She looked up at Cullen and smiled warmly at him under her scarf. 

“Y… Yes. The Inquisition is always in need of those who wish to be of service to greater causes.” his hand went to the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact with the obvious happy woman before him. “I just… You’ve come such a long way from Kirkwall and I haven't given you the respect you deserve for your dedication. Especially…” Cullen’s eyes trailed down to the cooling stew and tea before him before glancing back up at her. “At a whim of a stranger you did not know.”

Adaar felt herself warm at the Commander's words and unconsciously brought her hand down to stroke Aussha’s curly locks. “I wouldn't say that it was you alone that brought me out of Kirkwall, Cullen. It would be rash and very foolhardy to wander Thesda with a man I've never seen so you’re not entirely at fault in this circumstance.” Her eye gazed up at him and she pointed at the tray on Cullen’s desk. “Eat, Commander.”

“O-oh! Right!” He flushed in embarrassment as he realized he spent quite a bit of time just staring at her as she spoke and not focusing on eating. He picked up his spoon and dug into the stew as Adaar chuckled in amusement.

“Yes… Perhaps I was looking for an escape from Kirkwall and into a fantasy I once lived before, in a way…” She trailed off as she leaned down to kiss Aussha lovingly on the head, causing the babe to squirm in her swaddle. “You think we could talk more about this later, Commander?”

“Of course? We don't have to talk about subject matters that you are uncomfortable with.” 

“It's not particularly uncomfortable for me, per say. I just rather not risk anyone walking in or the guards gossiping on odd relationship with Kirkwall.” She chuckled before working on the beginnings of a deep red scarf with her needles. 

“Ah.” He looked down at the spoon sitting idly above the red stew and shook his head of unpleasant thoughts before going back to finish up his meal. Cullen too had things he wanted to talk to Adaar about later in the evening.

\---

“So, Thresher, what did you want to talk about that couldn't be done in the safe walls of Skyhold?” Varric asked after he dragged Trevelyan some distance away from camp to help her collect firewood. She was busy pulling down a branch and almost whacked herself on the head as he suddenly spoke up.

“I wouldn't drag you all the way out here to converse, Varric. Why can't I take you out for fresh air once and awhile? Bianca surely misses the action.”

“I understand, it's been awhile since you had the chance to spend some quality time with a handsome Dwarf, like myself, but I can't happen to notice you changed the whole line up as well. Blackwell instead of Bull, your’s truly instead of Sera, etc.” He grinned knowingly as he help cut the huge branch with a spare hatchet. Trevelyan rolled her eyes as she watched Varric disassemble her so quickly before she had the chance to think of a good excuse for a more quiet party versus her usual lively bunch of companions.

“You’ve… You’ve lived in Kirkwall, Yes? Did you personally know Adaar before she came to the Inquisition?” She asked as she brought down her hatchet on the wood halfheartedly.

“Thought it might be about current events…” Varric mumbled before giving the Inquisitor a reassuring smile. “From what Titan told me herself, she weaved baskets and such while her charming other half sold them in the streets in Kirkwall before he passed away. Titan couldn't be out in the open since Kirkwall has a bit of an issue with apostates but didn't want to be on the run so she went into the seedy underground for work to keep feeding herself. I never personally knew her even though Qunari are quite difficult to not spot in a crowd. Guess she moved around only at night or paid someone buy her food.”

Trevelyan nodded her head in understanding as she listened to Varric's retelling of Adaar’s story. “Did… Cullen… You know…?”

“Outside of using her services? I doubt it!” Varric laughed as he walk over to pick up another large branch to chop to the pile. “Hell, even I didn't know that Curly visited such places considering he was Knight-Commander and had his boots laced tighter than I've seen any other Templar I knew of! It’s kind of reassuring to know he went elsewhere for sex rather than doing some horrible things that other Templars were doing to mages before the Chantry was blown to kingdom come. Power does things to people, Thresher, and Curly, thankfully had his head on right even though his mind sometimes strayed from it.”

“Yeah…? Wait. Adaar is a mage?!” She asked as she continued to chop the wood as Varric brought it to her. Trevelyan had to set down her hatchet as she turned towards the Dwarf, completely intrigued.

“Yeah. Had to ask Tiny bout it, but Titan is what the Qunari call a ‘Saarebas’, essentially a mage but get treated much more differently than circle mages. Seen several of them in Kirkwall back when the Arishok challenged Hawk to a duel. Wearing metal masks with chains around their necks being pulled around by their handlers.”

“That's… that's horrible.” 

“Yeah…” Varric agreed as he sat down on the ground next to Trevelyan, prompting her to sit down as well. “You might not have seen it but Titan wears a scarf to cover some nasty scars that messed up the way her mouth looks. She broke some rules when she was younger and the Qunari made her handler sew her mouth shut to prevent corrupting others or whatever bullshit they thought mages could do.”

“I thought the Circles were cruel enough… but to see someone mouth shut just because they are a mage?!” 

“Calm down, Thresher, I'm sure there's more to the story and Qunari culture that I'm missing out on so talk to Tiny more when we get back. I'm sure our Ben-hassrath SPY will be able to paint the picture more fully than I ever could on the topic.” He lifted himself off the ground and brushed the dirt off his legs before lifting up a large pile of chopped wood with ease. “Let's head back to camp before they send out a search team to find us.”

Trevelyan sighed and rubbed her head at how quickly Varric deflected the subject onto Bull with a smile and kept quiet as she placed the hatchet on her belt before gathering the rest of the firewood into her arms to follow the Dwarf back to camp.

\---

“Well, now! Here’s someone I would never expect to ask to see me privately. You call yourself ‘Adaar’, right?” The Iron Bull chuckled casually as he followed the female Qunari to the garden after she left Aussha with the Chargers. She glanced around to make sure no one was within earshot before turning to face Bull.

“I'm guessing that you know who, or at least what, I am, Ben Hassrath?” She removed her scarf to reveal her heavily scarred lower face and looked up at him with a glare. 

“Yeah. You’re not the first Tal-Vashoth Saarebas to run off and cover themselves in heavy clothing. The scarf was the dead giveaway.” Bull spoke casually, giving her a knowing grin as he gestured towards the scarf.

“When am I expected to wind up dead? You didn't tell them about my child?” 

Bull held up his hands defensively as the Qunari woman got in his face. “Woah WOAH! It hasn't been my job to hunt Tal-Vashoth for quite a while now, Lady. You and your child aren't being reported back to Par Vollen, I promise!” Adaar snarled at the Qunari as lightning crackled around her clenched fists. “Hey. If you come to me for a fight to let off some steam then all you have to do is be direct and NOT bring out the sparks, Adaar.”

“You lie!” She stomped her foot into the ground and expelled the lightning magic that had been building in her all day from stress after learn that Bull was reporting to the Qunari as a spy. Bull took a few steps back to prevent his foot from getting zapped as Adaar ground her foot into the now-exposed grass. “First it was my Kadan at Kirkwall and now you stock us here too!”

“You’re scared and I would be too if I was a runaway. You’re right to be scared because I did hunt Tal-Vashoth like you before I… Look, you’re safer here in Skyhold with the Inquisition and while I do have the power to fuck up your life like you fear, I'm not going to do it.” He admitted sincerely to her. “If I DID report you and something was done about it, in the usual Qunari manner that we know, I would likely be hunted down by the Commander for the rest of my days along with the Inquisition. That's something… It would fucking suck if that would happen so I'm not going to do it.”

“But the Qun demands…”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. Just smile and keep helping out the Inquisition without fear. As I said, you’re safe here as long as it stands.” Bull reassured her with a pat on the shoulder and gently turned her around to give her back a light shove. “Let's get back to the tavern and I’ll say nothing happened if you buy a pint.” He glanced up at the wall for a moment and caught sight of a familiar figure with a furry mantle watching them as they headed back to the tavern. He had a feeling in his gut that he was going to need more than one pint by the end of the night.

\---

Shortly after they sat down at the table, Cullen came into the tavern as inconspicuously as he could possibly be and walked over to the table where the Chargers were. Adaar was sitting next to Krem and breast feeding Aussha as the Commander approached The Iron Bull. He was uncomfortable in such a lively environment and the subject matter of what he witnessed made him even more obvious of his discomfort. “Lady A-Adaar.” He nodded quickly to the woman before glancing over at Bull. “Iron Bull. May we talk in private?” 

Bull finished his pint over the course of a long moment intentionally before setting his cup down on the table. “Why not? I'm not used to all the attention but you’re good-looking enough to get a minute.” He chuckled as he got up from his chair and gestured for Cullen to follow him over to one of the rooms he claimed for himself in the tavern. 

Adaar watched the men curiously as Krem nudged her gently with his elbow and leaned in to whisper. “He never seen a woman breast feed before? Don't you wait on him?”

“I-I do not wait on him, Krem! I just bring him his lunch and tea!” She laughed as Krem continued to nudge her. “I do not think it's appropriate at all to breastfeed in front of the Commander.”

“Yet you’re fine with all of us seeing your tit?” He teased playfully. “It’s fine. The Commander isn't a bad guy to play ‘modest’ around since he gets all red in the face by just seeing a little skin.”

“I think it's more of the act of me actually breastfeeding rather than showing of skin, Krem. No males know how to act around such a sight and the nice ones don't say anything at all about the matter. Except for Dorian. But he’s creative with his disgust so I let the matter slide.” Adaar chuckled and glanced down at Aussha, who was still happily feeding. “You’ll make my bosoms uneven, Child…” She sighed, earning a laugh from around the table.

Bull could hear laughter from the group bleeding through the walls of his room and suppressed a smile as he watched the Commander gather his thoughts from the floor. “Never seen a breast before, Commander? Surely your mother had a pair that you suckled on as a tike.” 

“That’s not-! You know that's not the reason I asked for a talk, The Iron Bull.” Cullen stuttered for a moment before finding his tongue functioning properly again. Bull quirked a brow at the Commander before grinning.

“Oh? So it's about the lady the breast is attached to then? Thought I was going to have to give you the ‘birds and bees’ talk but then again…” He smirked knowingly at Cullen before gesturing his head towards the wall. The Commander flushed at the implication before clearing his throat.

“What were you doing in the garden with Lady Adaar just a few moments ago, The Iron Bull?” 

Bull looked Cullen from top to bottom quickly as he spoke and got all he needed just from that sentence alone. “Just having a talk, like we are now, actually.”

“I was told that she discharged a rather heavy amount of electrical magic before I arrived on the scene. Why?” His tone shifted to one worthy of an experienced Commander and not the fumbling fool who just saw a hint of a woman’s breast while she fed her child.

“You think she would do that in the sack, Commander? Maybe with not as much anger involved, unless you’re into that, of course.”

“Iron Bull!” 

“Alright. Alright. Hands off the sword, I get you. She pulled me out of the tavern to have a talk about my affiliation with Par Vollen, the whole Ben-hassrath thing.” He leaned back against the wall and crossed a leg over his knee as he got comfortable. “She’s a runaway mage and Qunari like me usually mean big trouble. I told her that I would shoot my own foot with an arrow if I reported her and someone actually did something with that information.”

“I… I knew she was a mage but…” He trailed off for a moment, feeling conflicted with his Templar training and his knowledge of her as a level-headed person.

“But what? She doesn't have powers now because she never once used them in Kirkwall? It's unusual that she hasn't been possessed yet since the Qunari don't have circles nor train our mages.”

“You-! You don't train them?!” He looked at Bull in shock as the Qunari nodded his head. “That's insane! You’re just intentionally putting them in harm's way!”

“That's what the Arvaarad, the handlers, are for, Commander. The mages get put on chains and left to the care of… Someone similar to what you call a ‘templar’. Assume what you like about the Qunari and how we treat mages but I think… I know she got a handler that knew how to care for her needs.” Bull admitted as he looked up at Cullen to see the conflict clearly playing out in his head. “She knew control and how to refocus her magics. We don't train our Arvaarad to do such things but some will go out of their way to do so in private.”

“She… She’ll be alright?” He asked impulsively, maybe hoping that Bull would help him through the turmoil he was experiencing.

“No one is saying that you can't talk to her about her experience as a Saarebas, Commander. It's not my place to reassure you when she isn't under my protection. You guys took her on the moment you let her in here so I expect you’ll have your Templars deal with her should the worst happen… Same with the Inquisitor. “ Bull added before pushing himself off the wall to take a step forward and pat the Commander’s shoulder. “Introduce her to the mages and your Templars, let her know that she has help should she need it. You got this handled.” 

“Right… She has help should she need it…”

\---

Cullen was laying in bed with his trousers on as Adaar sat down on a chair one of the agents brought up for her and was continuing her elaborate sewing of a crimson yarn scarf. The soft rhythmic clacks of the two wooden needles sliding over another to thread the scarf was relaxing to the tired Commander as he tried to fall asleep. His mind was not so generous and instead filled his idle mind with thoughts of abominations, specifically Adaar becoming one. He pushed those thoughts away as hard as he could, thinking of Aussha’s smiles and laughs as he spent time with her a few days ago. The needles paused in their song as Cullen opened one eye to see Adaar frowning at him in disapproval. 

“Am I keeping you awake? You should say something if my needles are bothering you.” 

“N-no!” Cullen quickly sat up in the bed and reassured Adaar with a tired smile. “I just… There's a lot on my mind tonight. It's not your fault at all, Lady Adaar.”

“I see. Should I make you some tea to help relax?” 

“No, that's not necessary. Sleep will eventually find me.” He smiled weakly at her before laying back down in bed.

Adaar resumed working on her red scarf as Cullen closed his eyes, listening to the gentle sound of the wood needles tapping until she paused with a hum. “I'm glad that the fates brought us together after Kirkwall, Commander.”

“Why… do you say that?” He asked carefully, keeping his eyes closed as Adaar resumed her knitting.

“You likely would not have accepted my companionship like you do now.” She hummed, cutting the thread to start on adding in gold to the pattern. “You’ve grown a lot in time we spent apart and its clear in that you would consider a Qunari child as your own. Especially a mage’s one.”

Cullen folded his hands over his chest as he opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling as he reflected over her words. “You’re likely right… As much as it pains me to say it aloud. Acceptance is still a path that is difficult to walk especially when unlearning fear.”

“I admire your perseverance to better yourself, Commander. My Arvaarad was the same; seeking atonement for the wrongs he committed under the Qun.”

“Your handler went through turmoils as well…?” He asked curiously, turning his head on the pillow to look at her and felt a painful tug in his chest as he saw her quietly shedding tears. “Adaar…?” Cullen sat up in the bed and hesitantly reached for her before she shook her head.

“My Kadan followed orders and executed his previous charge before I was turned to him. He… He told me that his belief in the Qun was questioned after every meal where he would have to sew up my lips again.”

“I… I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.” He felt like vomiting at that moment, seeing the faces of mages before they were made tranquil for offenses not equal to the punishment. “You… you were so strong to go through that as much as you did.”

“Thank you, Commander… I…” Adaar chuckled as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and turned towards him; puffy cheeks and all. “You were the only one of my… my clients who seemed to enjoy my lips.”

“L-lady Adaar…! I'm trying to be serious with you!” Cullen looked away bashfully as the Qunari woman had a good laugh at his intentionally overblown reaction. He soon looked back at her with a warm smile as he sat at the edge of the bed and gently stroked her shoulder. 

“You’re very kind, Cullen. I'm sincerely glad that Aussha has a father like you.”

“You’re… You’re very welcome…?” He replied awkwardly, earning another giggle from Adaar as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“You should lay down now, Commander. Perhaps pleasant dreams will come since you smiled before closing your eyes this time.”

No dreams came during the time he laid back down but neither did the nightmares that plagued him persistently. He woke up feel less tired at dawn and rolled over to notice Adaar fast asleep in her chair. A smile lifted Cullen's lips to see how lovely she looked, regardless of the fact that she was snoring loudly. The Commander would use that ammunition back at her at a later time but he had to get ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! Working on another ficlet idea where Cullen has a relationship with a snake-woman but you guys aren't interested in that! Tell me what you think of the chapter!


End file.
